notes to the superman

The light’s bright and dawn’s rushing in.
You walk on, oblivious, dazed, deaf to the din.
Hands in your pockets, chin turned down; wireless, colourless, harrowed to the ground.
Nothing will meet you, want nothing of you.
Form smoke wreaths in your hair or sing to you.
the world will wait – patient, unkind –
Until you disappear in a puff of your mind.

seasonal haiku

winter rides alone,
on whims of the faintest winds.
a cold hearted blow.

Is this another Mumbai post?

Yes, this is another Mumbai post.

We all know that this city is like a jar of Gummy Bears that has absorbed too much moisture. Let that image settle in your head. For a stalker-like person, a sticky cramp of people like this,  is an amusement park, a garden of Eden, a Mecca of mischief – a paradise of sexual achievement that he is probably not allowed at home – since he’s living in a box and all.

Thankfully, Mumbaikars are immune to the awkwardness of  sticking bum-to-front (think sweltering summer & males-only local railway), unlike folks elsewhere in this country of ours – like up North for instance. (Where they’d probably shoot you if you don’t rub against each others bum-fronts)

Still, the stalker folks exist nevertheless. And now that we’re past the bit about Mumbai, it can be said that this post is in fact about one-lines from strangers who could pass off as Swami Nityananda wearing Jeans.

So here you go. Top pick-up lines from life, as you know it, and in random order.

#10 – Hi Baby. Can I paint you? This is what movies like the Titanic inspire in India.

#9 – Before you get mad, I have to tell you that we’re playing truth or dare and I have to ask you girls any one very intimate question. What’s your bra size? I spat out my ice-cream!

#8 – What did you say your name was? Now WHY would I have disclosed my name to a strange person sitting across from my table at a breakfast joint?

#7 – I’m going to America next month. SO?

#6 – I have brain tumor… Can you imagine?! I don’t think he knew what brain tumor is even.

#5 – Haaai, Kitni Thand Lag Rahi Hai! This from a 40-odd-year-old very hairy man, wearing bikini briefs and lifting his eyebrows alternatively our way at a beach.

#4 – Bond, Jaidev Bond! Feel. My. Pain

#3 I am Indore. I am Indore. So here was a scrawny little crazy man following us down Calangute telling us that he is Indore and pointing at his bag. He wanted to get us to enter a discotheque with him and his friends. The bouncers later told us that he was actually saying I-I-M-Indore! ::facepalm::

#2 – Want to ride my bullet? He was grinning like an idiot, adjusting his belt and standing beside a Scooty Pep that wasn’t even his!

#1 – ♫Your name is Sheeeila. Sheila ki Jawaaaani♫ Yes, I started a fight that ended with him being thrown out of our local drinking joint.

#0 – I see you are quoting me in your blog posts. Want to go for a drive? Don’t ask!

2011, to the end of the world.

1. Graduate from living in a cupboard. *Soonestly*
2. Be more sensitive towards my (anti) Social etiquette. (No really. I don’t need to be nice to people for entertainment.)
3. Quit all my current vices. (And then take on activities that are almost as potent but more interesting.)
4. Read more, reply less. (Can you feel my dick fucking your mind?)
5. Defame the next extremist motherfucker I meet, especially if they bring up the topic of religion *maytheforcebewithme*
6. Beat the begeebers out of any local-psuedo-studmuffin who tries hitting on me with a line that starts with – ‘My car/posse/bank account’s so big that I’ve no space left to store a brain.’
7. When in doubt about what another Hinglish sentence really means, slap someone.
8. Make sure all the Rum’s gone. And totally get on the Long Island Iced Tea bandwagon.
9. Quit picking fights. And absolutely resolve to keep my armies in my sleevies.
10. Stop getting sentimotional about the past. And dial drunk only when stuck in a ditch and need help pulling yourself out.
11. Yes, off course a weight-related point has to be made. So drop the kilos till you die or something.